The Golden Pig

There is an English butcher in Moscow who makes his own sausages and so I ordered a load online - I also noticed that he had back bacon which is something that doesn't exist here - you're lucky to find streaky bacon. So anyway, it was supposed to be delivered today and my nanny was in the house so I thought i'd go shopping for some food when I receive a phone call from a Russian fella speaking a lot of Russian (as they do) and I worked out it was the sausage delivery man. He kept saying where he was on the street and I kept saying in English - ' I'm in the supermarket - ring the doorbell - there is someone in the flat' He replied 'no understand' and kept repeating where he was on the street. So I told him to wait, well I said '5 minutes' in Russian and ran the length of the road (I was at one end, he was at the other and it's a very long road) to try find the sausage man. I get down to the place I thought he said and there was no sausage man to be found - so I ring him and he says, 'Ritz' so I run to the Ritz hotel but cannot find him so I ring again and he says 'Theatre' (well in Russian but they are very similar words) so I then run to the theatre, hanging about with my Ikea trolley on wheels - yes, I have invested in an old woman's shopping trolley - mock me if you will but it is a life saver...and there is the sausage man! Thank bloody god, I thought they were playing a joke on how far they could get me to run up and down a street for Russian candid camera. So, I'm handed a plastic bag of sausages and i'm handing over cash - people are staring as they think some weird clandestine operation is afloat as we are standing far too near the security guards of the Ritz Carlton - 'It's okay people, just sausages and bacon - I'm not buying explosives'. So back I trot to the house with my exciting purchase! When I looked at the receipt I realised how much money i'd spent on pig products....£6 for 6 rashers of bacon.....£1 a rasher?! Are you kidding me? 5 sausages were £5 ....bleedin' 'ell...So I have bought from the golden pig that lives in Moscow - if anyone fancies a career change - you can do a blinder here in pig products for the expat community. I will be holding a ceremony at the weekend when I cook a fried breakfast - we shall have to worship at the plate of the golden pig and eat one mouthful every 10 minutes - there will be no rushing of this breakfast let me tell you!