Improve your society - Smoke and drink!

I think i'm going to start a section called 'Newspaper article of the day' as I am always amused by some of the stories - usually shocked actually. Today there is a fantastic article regarding smoking and drinking in Russia, I Quote-

'Finance Minister Alexei Kudrin has alighted on a bright new idea to balance the nation's books while improving his countrymen's over all health: "If you smoke a pack of cigarettes, that means you are giving more to help solve social problems such as boosting demographics, developing other social services and upholding birth rates," he said last week. " People should understand: people who drink, those who smoke are doing more to help the state."

Man, you gotta love this country! They tell it how it is - they like the tax from fags and booze and it helps the economy - the smoker and drinker are keeping the wheels in motion. Ha. The article was regarding the fact that tax on booze and fags is going to be nearly doubled in the next few years - wait a minute folks, I've only just got here - don't double it yet! I guess if a bottle of Vodka is roughly on average £4 and fags are generally about 80p then doubling the fag price won't matter to people but £8 for a bottle of vodka and I could get it cheaper in Asda. No No No.

Also, I was reading today that Russia are willing to scrap the visa entry system between themselves and European Union and have been willing to do so for a while but it's Europe who are holding out. It's as complicated as you would imagine anything to do with Europe would be - but basically they can't offer Russia visa free travel until all the eastern independent states like Azerbaijan are offered it too (there is a reason for this but I can't be bothered to explain it). To be able to have a visa free system the countries involved have to introduce passports and border controls that meet standards laid down in the Schengen agreement - whatever that bloody is. Russia can do this immediately but places like Azerbai- bloody- jan might take years...super.

Went to see more flats yesterday - just Arthur and I. One was in the wrong area, one was Classic Russian style and heh - I don't want to offend any Russians here as I'm liking the Russians, they're mean and moody with a sense of mystery about them - and I love the Slavic look - the cheekbones are amazing and they usually have very long legs - they are now sounding like people from Pan's Labyrinth...I'll stop now. So, I know people outside of my friends realm can see this so I don't want to offend anyone - different styles and all that but my god - it's really not something I could live in - EVER. There is so much ornamentation that you feel instantly claustrophobic - what would normally seem like big rooms are stuffed with pillars with gold leaf and great vases on top of more little pillars. The furniture looks like it has come out of the palace of Versailles  - oh and a stuffed Tiger to boot. There are also mirrors everywhere which don't give you a feeling of more space as they just reflect back stuff you are trying not to look at in the first place..... God I sound mean but maybe this was a particularly extreme version of what they call classic style although the property lady said that this was pretty much the norm and that she wouldn't show me another classic style flat again....indeed.

I did see one flat that could be on the short list - it looks over one of the only parks in the centre and is a great place for Arthur and Alice but the layout was slightly strange and it would mean giving Arthur the master bedroom - would be good for all his toys etc but there was also a balcony which I had initially requested as I think in summer it would be nice to get some fresh air but this balcony stretched along two sides of the flat and seemed a little rickety for my liking...it was made of concrete so rickety is the wrong word but it was old and crumbly! Anyway, my worry was for the cats as I can just imagine a sky diving extravaganza happening within two days of us being there and then I'd never forgive myself! I would have to chicken wire the whole balcony because of animals and Arthur and I was imagining a suntan of small octagons all over me. It's difficult - I like this flat and I like another flat closer to the centre - if I could combine the two then heh - life would be peachy. I guess this is where compromises come in although I'm not going to rush it just yet - supposedly Russians love renting their flats to expat families as they are more reliable and usually longer tenants and so hopefully more will come onto the market.  Anyway, i'm off to see some more in a minute although they're not in an area I particularly like but you never know!

Oh and can people please ignore any spelling or bad sentence structure - I'm becoming paranoid about my terrible writing style - more like how I speak - so just go with it.

....and another thing.......how cool is it to have blog followers (okay, I only have six - don't be mean) and if I get to a certain amount can I become a dictator?.....now this my friends could be interesting.

The flat hunting begins...

Another interesting day in sin city.... Thought I'd go and check out the coffee morning of the BWC - British women's club for those in the know...the coffee morning was being held at a cafe on old Arbat street - a street I had yet to visit and what a very interesting street it was! It's supposed to be the old bohemian part of Moscow with markets and the like but it looked more like a party street to me. Lots of bars and restaurants and cafes - we're looking at some flats in this area tomorrow but have been warned this is where all the youngsters hang out so could be noisy...check me out in my use of the word 'youngsters'  - God, what happened to me?! Anyway, as I hadn't been to the tube station ' Arbatskaya' before - don't worry, I didn't have my iphone and so there are not 5000 pictures of a metro station to follow although let me tell you...it was pretty special. I'll have to go back and do my metro spotting bit later. Anyway - this particular metro station had 2,0000000000 steps. Oh my lord, by the time I got out of there I looked like I had been soaked with a bucket of water and poor Arthur had a broken spine from all the bumping of me dragging him backwards up another set of stairs. Finally I got to the coffee morning - looking somewhat bedraggled but still alive and met some lovely ladies. Sadly it was only briefly as I had bravely gone when Arthur was due his nap and so he decided sitting amongst many strange women just wasn't his bag and so after being there for less than 30 minutes I headed off to try another tube station in the vain hope that it had less steps. Long story short - there are steps everywhere and my quest to shorten my pain ended with me extending it by having to change on more metro lines and end up miles from the hotel which meant a long walk home.....grrrrrrr. So, as I enter the hotel Graeme is running towards me shouting 'There you are! The property lady has been waiting for us for half an hour - where have you been and why didn't you take the phone?' - Not really my fault that he had arranged a meeting and I didn't take the phone - how was I supposed to know? After my 80 km walk and mount Everest step climb my response was 'Don't shout at me or I will cry'...and true enough I think I would have done - I was that delirious from my experience. So poor Arthur needing sleep was then dragged into a car and off we went to see our first properties in Moscow! Luckily I grabbed a bag of ginger bread  men and that kept Arthur happy for a while!

So anyway, properties. When we arrived at the first property - which takes forever in a car as the traffic is so bad, Arthur had fallen asleep in the car seat so we asked the lady if he could stay in the car whilst we whizzed up and had a look at the flat. We had both presumed that the guy driving the car was a driver for the property place but when we were up in the flat the girl turns round and says - ' He's probably nervous looking after the baby as he's just a taxi driver' What?! We had left our child in a cab with a random taxi driver who had driven off to find a parking space. Parenting gold star for us ...again. So, we looked at the flat which was owned by an English guy and it was amazing but sadly it was on the top floor and had no elevator. After my experience of the metro that day I certainly wasn't going to rent somewhere that would probably kill me in the end...one bag of shopping too many and that would be it...massive coronary. So off we trotted back to the taxi to find that Arthur had woken up and the taxi driver was speaking Russian to him - maybe telling him that he should get away from his parents as soon as possible as they were inclined to leave him places with strangers. Arthur was having a ball so does he really need us? - that is my question of the day. So off we went to see the next two places. The first was great - the room in these places is mental - the sitting rooms in all of them are about the same size as the bottom floor of house in Pompey - I might add here that the lady was showing us all flats that were at the top end of our price limit - they get a percentage of the rent so go figure. The second had a new kitchen but they had forgotten to put an oven in....? 'Do you really need an oven?' 'Yes, that is something I expect for 2 million pounds per month.' Great flat though and the girl said that she'd tell the owners that we'd need an oven so we'll see. The flat was in a great place, very central and a play park for Arthur in view from sitting room window. The third flat was huge but no elevator. The flat was only on the second floor and they have 24 hour concierge who said I could leave pram with them and so not have to cart it up steps. The hallway was just being decorated and was rather spectacular although that is not a reason to rent a flat! I must admit though, I was pleasantly surprised - all flats were big, light and airy and very spacious. We were laughing at the fact that we found out today that Ikea here is quite expensive and we were banking all our hopes on filling the new flat with Ikea furniture - reality will be a huge sitting room with two small stools and a dog basket that's much comfier than the stools - 'Alice, get out of your bed, my turn tonight.'

So, a semi successful day in the fact that it has made us feel much happier about the kind of properties you can find and that you won't feel cooped up and deranged after a week. I'm unhappy with the system here when it comes to looking around a flat as you have to have the owner and the owners agent there and I find myself being terribly British and not wanting to offend them which leads to trivial outbursts of, 'Oh, that's a nice cupboard' - no it's not it's made of chipboard and smells of wee but heh - what can you do?

No photos because...remember people, I forgot the phone...I know, you can shout at me later - join the queue....!

The Master and Margarita

Mikhail Bulgakov

The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov is one of my all time favourite books. The story is fantastical about the devil causing all sorts of mischief in Moscow. Yesterday we visited the area where the writer lived and also walked around some of the areas that are mentioned in the book. I'm such a book geek that I loved every minute of it and tried to imagine Bulgakov sitting where I was sitting and coming up with such a satirical fantasy! The area known as Patriarch Ponds is the most pricey area in Moscow and has such former residents as Bulgakov, Chekhov, Tolstoy and Gorky. We have some flats to see here but they are small and expensive so I don't think this will be our address! The Metro station nearest to Patriarch ponds has incredible architecture (you really don't get bored on the tube here - so much to see!)-

Metro Spotters

On Metro wall

I'm a pure Metro Geek

We first entered the Aquarium gardens where the audience of Woland's magic show suddenly realised they were all naked -

Aquarium Gardens

The plaque below shows that Mikhail Bulgakov was a resident here from 1921-1924 -

 I nearly missed it as it's now on the front of a health food shop but actually his residence lies through an archway which is lined with scenes from the book -

It's incredible when you see places that the author describes in the book as in your mind they are magical and yet in reality the author has just taken his simple local places that he walks through everyday and turned them into iconic imagery that millions of people feel a connection to. We visited his flat - Number 50 that was besieged by followers of the book in the 80's and the entrance way is still covered in fans graffiti to the great annoyance of the other residents no doubt! -

The Door of his apartment block

People still pay homage with Graffiti 

There is a tiny museum in his old house 'Dom Bulgakova' that I ran round as it was up steps and all in Russian and Arthur was starting to squirm and get bored of his mother's literary obsession!

His Sitting room

Art in the museum

We then walked on to Patriarch's Pond itself where the opening scene from the book is played out with Woland and Berlioz on a bench by the pond - I kept trying to guess which bench it could have been!

Patriarch Ponds

Graeme sat down on right bored of my Bulgakov tour...

The Pond area was lovely and we even found a swing for Master Ogilvie.

Down the shoot behind him next.....

I was starting to think that they didn't have swings in Moscow as every children's park we have stumbled across was minus swings - and we know how his master loves the swings!
Anyway, it was a fun day all round although there is so much to see here that I'm glad we've got a while to look round - so many literary greats to investigate - no wonder the Russians love talking about literature - they have so many to chose from! There are quite a few literary cafes where people lounge around swapping stories - I think this might be a bit advanced for my Russian at this time - knowing one to ten and hello doesn't really count as a high brow intellectual conversation - but people I'm aiming high - I want to be able to sit in a corner of a literary cafe with a beret on smoking a gaulouis cigarette, quoting from 'The Seagull' - you heard it here first.

The Pond

Oh and if you haven't read the book....go and get it now!

Concrete on the clouds

Listen here people - I thought I would share with you a very interesting nugget of information. To make sure that it doesn't rain on Moscow day or victory day, the Mayor pays the air force (which is supposedly always strapped for cash) to spray concrete dust onto the clouds outside Moscow so that they become heavy and rain outside of the city and in so doing keep the city cloud and rain free for all Muscovites to have a jolly good time! .We were told this by Russians and thought they were making it up but it would seem a little research has proved that it is true. It is not only true but they are now going to extend the program to stop the heavy snow in winter - can you believe this?! -

The air force will use cement powder, dry ice or silver iodide to spray the clouds from Nov. 15 to March 15 - and only to prevent “very big and serious snow” from falling on the city, said Andrei Tsybin, the head of the department. This could mean that a few flakes will manage to slip through the cracks. Tsybin estimated that the total cost of keeping the storms at bay would be $6 million this winter, roughly half the amount Moscow normally spends to clear the streets of snow





I love the way the rest of the world is worrying about climate change whilst Russia are forging ahead with God like plans for weather change. It's quite incredible! I was looking forward to the snow - now I may turn green and stick to the floor as they work out what chemicals are best to use. I think a face mask might be in order.

Also, in the Moscow Times a few days ago, there was an article on some workers that were rallying for higher pay and Putin was quoted as saying ' just beat them'. Next time B.A staff ask for more pay I would love Mr. Cameron to quote Putin - go on - I dare you Dave.

Moscow Day!

Happy Moscow day!

Graeme had been warned by his Russian work colleague that Moscow day was not as fun as it sounds and guess what...it's true! Heh, I sound like a stick in the mud but to tell you the truth I think the amount of stairs i'm climbing to get anywhere is giving me a high sense of expectation - and when it's not delivered then heh...I'm not impressed! Actually it was okay - I think most of the exciting stuff happens at night so being with baby and all doesn't really lead to through the looking glass experiences. Check me out, a few days in Moscow and I'm expecting fireworks and Russian dancing - as I said, that comes at night fall...damn. So, we started our day at breakfast - a weird experience in itself this morning as there was an oligarch having breakfast when we entered - you're thinking so? Well, let me tell you, it's quite an affair because he has many body guards - we enter breakfast room and realise when we sit down that there are three men standing very close to us with ear pieces in and whispering in secretive ways. Graeme then informed me that this had happened in the Ukrainian restaurant he'd been in the night before with his boss and they had told him that when an Oligarch is present then you know all about it as there are 2500 body guards watching your every move. The Oligarch himself was sat there with 5 waitresses around him and large amounts of food (that he didn't eat) he looked slightly like toad of toad hall, smoking in a non smoking restaurant - surrounded by flunkies bowing and curtseying. He then went to the toilet and the outside door was then surrounded by about 7 men in a row not allowing anyone to enter-! Amazing to witness that kind of madness and that was just breakfast! We of course sat right in the middle of their operation action man and so paid havoc to their security plans.

So we travelled into Red Square again as Graeme hadn't seen it - we found Lenin's Mausoleum  - 

Lenin and Graeme 

So then we moved on to try and find out where all the fun was at.....but we soon realised that the police had cordoned off large areas of the city so it was very hard to get anywhere but they did shut some of the main streets -

10 lanes on a normal road in Moscow - mental.

It was weird seeing the usually hectic car ridden streets all quiet and SAFE! The only thing at this point that we could find was a lot of people shouting and holding flags - 

As you can see, not that thrilling - although we did doubt at one point whether we were actually at the right end of town as we couldn't understand any of the chants it could have been an anti-government march for all we knew but we were there shouting 'happy Moscow day!' So we continued on - seriously people, there is a lot of walking to do in this town - me being not so fond of moving my legs is getting a wee bit of a shock but heh - if I want to look like one of these 6ft Slavic cheeked beauties then I've got to put my time in. I shall now proceed with some shots of architecture that we encountered  - 

An entrance - to somewhere mysterious (means I don't know)

The gates exiting Red Square

Who indeed is the man on the horse? I haven't found out yet so don't ask.

An old building

An Icon on the Gates of a cathedral

The Bolsheviks supposedly used this for target practice but never hit it - some could say that God was protecting it...I just say that the Bolsheviks were too drunk to aim straight.

Yet again it was lunch time so we ventured into a Russian Restaurant called Moo Moo - or My My written in Cyrillic. As you would expect from a place called moo moo everything was Frisian cow themed - black and white everywhere. Anyway, I pulled the short straw and had to go up to the buffet thing and order - well, it was a point and hope for the best extravaganza - but, to our surprise we ended up with some very tasty dishes - beef with cheese and onions melted on the top and a pork schnitzel. I also pointed at these triangular samosa looking things and  ordered two PIVO's - yes people, word of the day - PIVO! Pivo is beer in Russian - always learn the alcohol first. Sadly the two triangles turned out to be pudding - they were pancakes with berries and chocolate in - I know, sounds good but not when you've mixed it into your beef and cheese - we live and learn. 

Even a Frisian Balloon for Arthur

Sign for Ladies on Loo - took me a long time to work this out.

So finally after lunch we found some entertainment. Now, I don;'t want you all to get too excited about the following videos, the first is one for the ladies - 

Well, after this fine display of singing we were spurred on to enjoy more of Moscow day's treats which included men weight lifting to the mission impossible soundtrack, people running round a small race track for no apparent reason - definitely not signing up to that one, and other such wonders like the odd appearance of something like the equivalent of our boy scouts-

 We even found something for the gentlemen to enjoy - 

We certainly managed to enjoy the rest of the day and see some more incredible buildings - 

The Bolshoi Theatre

Enjoying the festivities 

A bar for Jay...

The Metropol Hotel

The Duma - parliament I think....

After our rather jolly day we finished off with some Japanese food with Arthur. Moscow is obsessed with Japanese food - Sushi bars everywhere! 

I look startled - that's because I have a vodka in my hand!

We did end the day on a low though as Arthur was attacked by a Prawn.....

So long Friends...

Oh and Arthur has been expecting you all to call but so far...no one is there....

Red Square

Lubyanka Square

Wow, what a day. Arthur and I are now hooked on Moscow...well, Arthur has to do what I say at the minute so he's hooked whether he likes it or not. Got the Metro to Lubyanka Square where the infamous KGB building is situated. I must admit that I did have a rather traumatic Metro experience - not through getting lost but I have to balance the buggy on the escalator (there are sets of grandparents now screaming with horror) and so there was I balancing the buggy when suddenly we got to the end without me noticing  - well, I slammed the buggy wheels down suddenly and jammed them into the end of the escalator and in so doing stopped us and anyone else from exiting - now, please try to imagine that the escalator is still moving so I became a dam, holding back the populace of Moscow! By the time I de-wedged the wheels a gush of people came tripping out from behind me all shouting in Russian to which I think in my panic I replied in part Spanish and part Italian....holy cow.

Anyway, back to the less embarrassing - The KGB building - I took some pictures  - feeling slightly like a spy and waiting for a police man to drag me away -

Door of KGB - not one you'd like to see the other side of...

If in doubt, this is a scary building -

KGB central!

I then carried on towards Red Square and was amazed by the architecture but I also realised that I was moving into the designer quarter as the shops started to change -

Yes, it does say 'Chloe' hence the picture.

We then experienced another rain storm to which the Russians keep saying 'this is so unusual'  - indeed - heard it all before. Arthur and I sheltered in a rather lovely archway with some fellow Russians -

Hiding from the rain

After hiding for several minutes we eventually got to Red Square and boy oh boy does it not take your breath away - you have the Kremlin on one side, two beautiful churches at each end and the 'GUM' department store on the other side.

Church of someone.....I'm not a tour guide you know.

Then the square itself-

Rather damp Red Square

'Gum' department store - only for the very very loaded...I got a coffee as I had to feed Arthur and that was really the only thing I could afford in the whole building....

GUM - for those who like Armani

Arthur chillin in GUM

We then went down to St. Basil's at the end of Red Square - what a truly amazing church - the colours are incredible. I think I would have liked St. Basil he seems to have been quite a fruity chap.

St. Basils - of the fruity variety...

Whilst we were pondering this great sight, my ears suddenly picked up that oh so recognisable sound of...BAGPIPES! Indeedy - twas not my ears deceiving me but a rehearsal of a military tattoo! 'Those Scots are everywhere' I cried - sadly no one was listening.

Kilts kilts everywhere!

Anyway, after listening to a pipe band and then the royal marines I was feeling quite jolly and walked another 50 miles on the adrenaline - here are some wonderful atmospheric iphone pics.... if you get bored, don't worry, I'm on my 10th vodka trying to get this finished....

Dome with clouds....

More domes and clouds - I know, I'm an artist....

St. George - a sparkly little number.

And the most architecturally magnificent building and historic value to mankind - 

A place where they understand me......

Kit - they know you're coming....

So long folks, that's enough culture for one day! Tomorrow is Moscow Day - God help us all as it would seem the whole of Moscow drowns in Vodka and fireworks...Oh and a wee speciality waiting for those coming to visit - Graeme went to a Ukrainian restaurant last night and the way you drink vodka Ukrainian style is - first you down some lard (to coat your throat) then the vodka ( which they grind pepper into) and then follow it by eating a pickled vegetable - it's basically the Ukrainian version of the Tequila shot with salt and lemon - yeah baby...lard me up or actually - pass me a bucket.

Moscow a deux

Outside our Metro station - rain again!

Graeme had to work today so Arthur and I headed out to find a supermarket that the guide book recommended. I had to do the steps down to the under passes by myself - although I must admit I was helped on 3 occasions! The Russians are kind to women in need! Mental note, leave Graeme behind as you get much more help by yourself. If I am not losing weight with all this walking and stair climbing then I must have a thyroid problem - only conclusion really! Anyway, on the way to the shop I passed a few of the infamous passed out drunks in the park - clutching bottles of vodka. I'm not going to say anything bad about them because that could be me in a few months.
The supermarket was great - I got mince and chicken - which is super cheap compared to home and whizzed about like a native. The things I needed most - a sharp knife and a chopping board - neither of which are provided in the apartment - were the floor below and the escalator wasn't working - yet again, couldn't do stuff with buggy - I'm really starting to believe that people in wheelchairs here must starve. So, when I returned to make my pasta sauce, it took me half an hour to cut a carrot with a blunt knife - excellent.
Passed an English pub on way to shop - I translated the Cyrillic to 'John Bull Pub' - why is it that when people try to replicate English pubs abroad they make them look like something from a Dickens novel? This pub had lanterns hanging outside and a very dark and mysterious inside - I was expecting Bill Sykes to fall drunkenly out of the door at any minute.
Took Arthur to the hotel pool yesterday, not a great experience all round. We went to the little child area but he could reach the floor with his feet which meant he wanted to walk all the time - not so easy in water. We put him in his inflatable float but as soon as I let go he flipped upside down - just his legs in the air and his head under the water! We flipped him back quickly but he coughed quite a lot and most of the Russian swimmers were looking at us as if we were child torturers, marvellous! I then took him to the changing rooms where all the women wanted to talk to little Arthur but they were all naked....now listen, I'm a prudish English person and felt that my personal space was being invaded by a lot of naked Russian women all speaking at me and expecting a reply. Sadly all they got from me was a bemused gurgle and a towel swiftly tightened around my body - in the end I abandoned Arthur to the cooing and whilst they were all distracted got changed in peace! Note to self - famous Russian baths where they steam and whip each other with birch twigs might be a bit much for me at this point.

There is so much room in the hotel for Arthur to crawl about - he loves it! I now take him down to the reception area early evening to get him worn out...there are also some lifts that he thinks are pretty spectacular and lots of fountains...brilliant. If I need a quiet 10 minutes then this is the place to be - terrorising the other guests...

Possibly the most exciting thing Arthur has ever seen....lifts.

Ooooo fountains with lights.....

faster than a speeding bullet...